This article was written by Maggie Wagner,

iACT’s Americorps VISTA member

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, quite an accomplishment for a 24 year old. I have been wrong many, many times which is made worse by the fact that I’m something of a perfectionist. I hate being wrong.  In my mind, if not in reality, being wrong diminishes  my value as a human being. Unfortunately, this fear of feeling devalued often stops me from moving outside of my comfort zone. There are, however, some times that I have been able to step away from that fear of being wrong, if only for a short amount of time.

I was lucky enough to experience just such an occasion when I first attended a Red Bench conversation back in July. With guidelines set up to give everybody a chance to safely speak their truth, and with an agreement that everybody will be respectful of each other, it becomes easier to allow yourself to be wrong. That is the beauty of Red Bench conversations. People who normally would not speak their truths to each other so plainly are given the safety to do just that. These conversations always result in learning and growing, but that’s not a result of the conversations alone. That growth comes from the individual participant’s willingness to listen to others, and to consider that beliefs different from their own might be right. This also means a willingness on the individual’s part to consider that they might be wrong about any given topic.

We each have unique experiences of the world, and one beauty of sharing our experiences is that, though our experiences  may differ, that doesn’t make them wrong. For example: my experience in life as a white woman is inherently different from the experience of a person of color. We live in a society where whites have historically been privileged to the detriment of people of color. Deeply harmful inequalities, rooted in a racist past, are still pervasive in all aspects of modern American life. Many of us these days are seeking a compassionate way to come to terms with the reality of racism in our world. What I have discovered is one simple way for me to do this, as a white person, is to listen.

When somebody tells us of their experience of racial discrimination, oppression, hatred, or violence, we have an opportunity to listen. For some, our first reaction to hearing about racism is denial. But if somebody is telling us that they, first hand, have experienced racism in their life, why would we ever tell them that what they have experienced is not true? Perhaps we do this out of that same fear of being wrong that I have struggled with all of my life. Perhaps we would rather believe that everything is fine because we believe even more deeply that if these bad things really are happening and if we, as people of good conscience, do nothing to correct the bad things, that makes us ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ as people. But, ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ behavior is not the same as being bad or wrong. We are, all of us, going to be wrong in one way or another. Just because our experiences have resulted in a way of thinking that might not be the reality for all people does not mean we are bad people. It just means that other people may know a reality that we do not. It is our job to listen, and fight the common human urge to become defensive for having lived a different life. Having a different experience does not make us bad, but delegitimizing the true stories and experiences of others is a bad thing to do.

So, come to a Red Bench conversation. Listen with an open heart and mind. Allow for yourself to be wrong, or to be the one who shares an experience that helps somebody else open their eyes to the ways they might change for the good. The next Red Bench will be a perfect opportunity for everybody to share their different experiences because the topic will be Racial Intolerance. Perhaps you feel hesitant to attend because you too harbor a deep fear of being wrong, but remember, being wrong is not the same as being a bad person. When you are wrong about something, you always have the chance to learn the truth. Come to the Red Bench and maybe you will find a truth you didn’t even know you were missing.