This article was written by Danita Nelson, mother, grandmother, and student of theology
who serves as a Ruling Elder at New Covenant Fellowship of Austin.
This month, Church Women United will celebrate Friendship, and commemorate heart-to-heart connections across denominational lines. This led to my thoughts about women and their connections to each other.
I’ve come to have great appreciation for the joy of sisterly love. Not family, but sisters of the heart. Webster defines sisterhood in three categories: 1 a: the state of being a sister. b: sisterly relationship. 2: a community or society of sisters; 3: the solidarity of women based on shared conditions, experiences, or concerns.
I consider the highest level of sisterhood ‘good girlfriends’. – perhaps not to the level of Thelma and Louise ride until we die, but awfully close. Good girlfriends can gather in groups; however, often they are one-on-one kinships nurtured over long periods of time. Good girlfriends share their stories, create new ones, and maintain confidences. These relationships are special, exceptional, and all too rare.
In the age of social media, we all enjoy ‘friends,’ people able to peek into our daily routines, celebrate our birthdays, and are exposed to our best selfies. Sadly, these same friends may not know us intimately, despite having access to our choices for favorite books, movies, restaurants and our other friends. Though these alliances may number in the thousands, our virtual connections do not always equate to the kinds of face-to-face personal contact demonstrated by authentic friendships.
Where can we look to find encouraging, edifying, and empowering bonds between women? The answer is: almost anywhere. Last month, I managed to read the monthly selection for Folktales Literary Society, and after a long absence, met my book club sisters with warm wishes, hugs, and kisses. And old connections were reestablished. I have cherished memory of my church sisters’ ministering with a quiet, and loving presence upon the deaths of my parents. Not much being said, just being there, prayerfully caring.
Within the Judeo-Christian sacred texts, examples of friendship among women are few and far between. We are more likely to encounter the misdeeds of bad girls: Eve (you know, that apple business was all her fault!), Delilah, and the woman caught in the act of adultery. Rivalries are legendary: Sarah and Hagar, Rachel and Leah, Miriam and her sister-in-law, the two women seeking Solomon’s wisdom over a custody issue. Challenged relationships are not limited to stories found in the Bible – Greek and Roman mythology reveal deities in beauty competitions, fighting over property rights, and coveting spouses. One would think that women just cannot get along!
But all is not lost. The Nelson girls (my 80-something trio of aunts) revealed a trove of data regarding the significance of true friendship. Their list of characteristics of girlfriend qualification include: trustworthiness, consistency, acceptance, honesty, and forgiveness. They emphasized how good girlfriends know how to share quality time together – not limited to having fun, although that is another aspect of significant women’s friendships. Also for all the bad girls we find in our sacred texts, there are some positive examples to follow: a comparatively short list that includes Ruth and Naomi from the Hebrew scriptures and Mary and Elizabeth in the New Testament.
Women can, and do, break the stereotypes that relegate us to catty, gossiping, manipulative backstabbers. We can be good girlfriends across religious (or not), denominational, racial, ethnic, economic, social, and political boundaries. We can care for and about each other. And, in defense of social media, it can be the condition that helps to maintain and sustain relationships across distance and time. Tried and true, ride or die, through thick and thin, sisterhood is indeed sacred. The sister, particularly the sister by heart, that you can rely on to respond when you call, is irreplaceable. The sister who knows well enough to sit and listen, without judgment, to your shame-filled secrets (and honor your confidence) is priceless. The sister who has your back, in the fight for your professional life is precious. Not every woman we meet can be the best of good girlfriends, but to have one and to be one makes all the difference in the world.
