This article was written by Gudjon Bergmann, an author, interfaith minister at Experifaith.org, 

and columnist at Patheos, where he writes about interspirituality for the modern day seeker.

In turbulent times it is easy to feel helpless and overwhelmed. Under those circumstances, however, human beings are notorious for underestimating the impact they can have on their immediate surroundings. I know that I have felt powerless more than once in the past year or two. However, as a solution oriented person, I took to heart the words of Nobel laureate, Betty Williams, who used to say that we can’t wait for peace-building efforts to come from the top down, instead every community must work towards peace from the ground up. For that very reason, I joined the interfaith movement, whose stated goal it is to work towards harmony. Here are four significant lessons I learned in the process.

First, it is important to realize that each person is a mix of ideology and humanity. According to Padraig O’Malley—who was involved in the Northern Ireland peace process—the only way to dehumanize a person is to paint him or her as an ideologue only, for example, in terms of religious or political affiliations. If we are to create a harmonious society, we must strive to recognize each other’s shared humanity, even when we disagree ideologically.

Second, it is easier to connect with another human being in person and through experience. Breaking bread, working side-by-side to help others, praying and meditating together, even if we belong to different faiths, all of those experiences serve to connect. The same is true of simpler experiences, such as listening to music, running in a group, going on a peace walk, or talking about our kids. It seems that experience transcends ideology.

Third, when we engage in discussions, especially about difficult matters, we should utilize the interreligious dialogue principles created by Dr. Swidler. Following his guidelines, we approach dialogue with honesty, sincerity and a willingness to learn, put aside hard and fast assumptions at the start of discussions, attempt to create mutual trust, view the other person as an equal, and are at least minimally critical of ourselves. Every dialogue is two-sided, which means that both sides must be looking for a solution.

Fourth, it is good to be aware of an ancient Indian doctrine about attraction. The doctrine states that attraction to one thing automatically creates repulsion for its opposite. This means that our love for one thing can, if we are not careful, create hate for another. If we understand this about ourselves, we become less judgmental. If we understand this about others, we can see that their judgmental attitude may have begun as an attraction to something good.

This year, I have heard people complain about divisiveness, anger, and hatred, often saying that this shouldn’t be happening in 2017. But a number on the calendar doesn’t create harmony—we do!

As social psychologist, Jonathan Haidt, has repeatedly pointed out, order decays without maintenance. Principles of love, compassion and peace must be reinforced and reaffirmed on a near daily basis. If these are not coming from the top down, we must ignite them from the ground up.

I believe in the full spectrum of harmony, from ceasing hostilities to reluctant tolerance to congenial relations to absolute euphony. The very least we can do is be agreeable in our disagreements and stop theological and political dehumanization. This holiday season, and beyond, it is my hope that we can work together to create a more harmonious society.

Wishing you the happiest of holidays.